just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
