I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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