From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well you can't waste a boner
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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