apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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