Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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