She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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