I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
