Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
