im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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