if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
