I think scott just propositioned me for sex
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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