yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i dont even know how to be here
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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