last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
