Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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