Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
