you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
