They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
