he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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