You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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