I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
