i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
