I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
