my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
