Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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