I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
