Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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