my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
