butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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