They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
