Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
