"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
