i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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