the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
