I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
