Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
