ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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