My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
