I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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