Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
