thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
