Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
