its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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