youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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