he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can I color on your dick again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
