the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
