worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
