when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
