Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
