i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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