I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
